I so much want to be so more. I want to really have my eyes and arms and heart wide open.

where is my motivation?
where is my positivity?
where is my strength?
where is my joy?

it is in God. it is in God. it is in God. why do I need to keep reminding myself?

maybe because when it is me who is doing the reminding i will never get anywhere. I will keep going around in circles.

stupid pride and selfishness.




sometimes i really want people to read this, and other times... not so much. maybe they need to see?


I think I am afraid for people to see because I put up such a good show. But really, I am not hip. I am not cool. I am not as confident as I seem sometimes. I am pretty down.
I just want to be more.

there it is again.

more.
why more?
why not less?
didn't Jesus make himself less?
why can't I?

Are you telling me something Lord?